Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way..

Adam West as Batman

If you practice law, I am sure you have those days (or weeks) where you reconsider the professional path you have undertaken.   Maybe you shouldn't have listened to your mother when she talked you out of being a professional juggler.  Maybe the circus was the right path for you.  I had one of those weeks.  It resembled a never ending Saturday Night Live skit.  It included real estate closings that fell through, unscheduled visits from ornery clients, and a slew of relatives asking for never ending pro bono help on a myriad of traffic violations.  The topper was the husband of my client accusing me of having an affair with his 70 year old wife.  I was representing her in her divorce action.  Was it worth the aggravation?



Of course, there are those days when clients remind you that your efforts are appreciated. I wanted to share one of those stories with you.  I recently represented a young kid who was facing some rather serious charges.  He was facing time in a juvenile facility and expulsion from school.    As you can imagine, the court system can be pretty frightening to a twelve year old.  Before each pretrial hearing, I would try to put my client at ease by chatting with him about Batman, his favorite superhero.  As a kid, I had collected the comic and could hold my own with the young Batman fanatic.  Thankfully, his matter was resolved and juvenile detention was avoided.  The young man's parents were very grateful.




Months passed and the young man's case became just another faded memory among hundreds of matters our office handles each year.   Until today, when I opened up a package from the young man's family.  I received a "batarang" prop from the 1960s Batman television show.  Even better it was signed by Batman himself.  In addition to Adam West, it included signatures from Burt Ward (Robin), Julie Newmar (Catwoman) and Yvonne Craig (Batgirl).   The card inside read "For putting the counselor in Counselor of Law.  Our many thanks for your help during a difficult time. Our son's new hero."  Could I put that on a business card?  Maybe, I'll stick with this law thing.  I just wish I could get the Batman theme out of my head.


Some quotes from the original Batman TV show.  Thought you might enjoy them:

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You're welcome."


Batman: "Better put 5 cents in the meter."
Robin: "No policeman's going to give the Batmobile a ticket."
Batman: "This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part."


Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."


Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."


Bruce: "Yes, Dick, your bird calls are close to perfect. If more people practiced them, someday we might have a chance for real communication with our feathered friends."
Dick: "In that case I think I'll polish up my ruby-crowned kinglet and my rose-breasted yellow-tailed grouse-beak calls."


Dick: "Sorry, I'm not interested in dance lessons."
Bruce: "Wait a minute, Dick. The junior prom's coming up, isn't it?"
Dick: "Yes, but..."
Bruce: "Well, we don't want you to be a wallflower, do we? Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education."
Dick: "Gosh Bruce, you're right."


Batman to Robin: "When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."
Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into."


Robin: "That's an impossible shot, Batman."
Batman: "That's a negative attitude, Robin."


Batman: "The green button will turn the car a la escarda o a la drecia."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should always keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."


Dick: "Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject."
Bruce: "Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society."




Bruce: "Don't dip your oar in this sordid sea, Dick. You might be besmirched."


Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."


Batman: "I think you should acquire a taste for opera, Robin, as one does for poetry and olives."


Robin, to Carpet King: "You must be that gentleman I've read about. Aren't you a king or something?"
Batman: "Robin, England has no king now. England has a queen, and a great lady she is, too."


Robin: "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great."
Batman: "Beware of strong stimulants, Robin."


Batman: "Robin, the Constitution provides that a man is innocent until proven guilty. And the Constitution is the cornerstone of our great nation. We must abide by it."
Robin: "Gosh, when you put it that way..."


Robin: "Venus seemed like a nice girl in that costume."
Batman: "I suspect she is a nice girl down deep, but she's fallen in with bad companions. And who knows what her home life was like."


Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."


Bruce: "Just because we're traveling, I don't think that Dick should neglect his studies, so we brought along one thousand key works of literature, his biological specimens, and also his own desk."
Dick: "Yes, I expect to study hard."


Batman: "You're far from mod, Robin. And many hippies are older than you are."


Superintendent Watson: "Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard."
Robin: "Char?"
Batman: "Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea."


Catwoman: "Let noone say that Catwoman is not the best-dressed woman in the world."
Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Ah-ah. Give credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years."


Robin: "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."


Robin, about Catwoman: "Do you think she'll kill Batgirl?"
Batman: "Or worse, Robin. Or worse."


Robin: "Gee, Batman. Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours."
Batman: "Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years."


Joker: "Let bygones be bygones. I'd like to shake hands with both of you. Can't we be friends?"
Robin: "I'd rather shake hands with a spitting cobra!"
Batman: "You're being cynical, Robin. To err is human, to forgive...divine."


Batman: "What took you so long, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't want me to speed, would you?"
Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."


Batman: "Cattail Lane and Nine Lives Alley. The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner."
Robin: "Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?"
Batman: "An obscure but nevertheless acceptable synonym for cat, Robin."


Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."


Robin: "Gosh, if I could just figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?"
Batman: "Maybe your mind's on that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town, eh?"
Robin: "Awww, come on, Batman."


Dick: "Awww, heck! What's the use of learning French anyway?"
Bruce: "Dick, I'm surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other's tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever."
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"


Dick: "Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce."
Bruce: "Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick."
Dick: "It is?"
Bruce: "Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes."
Dick: "Gosh yes, that's right. I'll bet I see those rings a little differently this time!"


Robin: "Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman."
Batman: "That's not the point, Robin. What's important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king."
Robin: "Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You're right."
Batman: "It's the very essence of our democracy."


Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."


Bruce: "When we have more time, I'll acquaint you with the various processes of sculptoring. It's a fascinating art to which I devoted many hours of study."
Dick: "I sure would like to hear about it, Bruce."




Robin (about Lydia Limpet): "Gosh, Batman, those look like honest eyes."
Batman: "Never trust the old chestnut, 'Crooks have beady little eyes'. It's false."


Robin: "When we put the fake jewels in Miss Starr's safe and take the real ones out, we could be nailed as crooks."
Batman: "That's a chance we have to take, Robin. In our well ordered society, protection of private property is essential."
Robin: "Yes, you're right, Batman. That's the keystone to all law and order."


Dick Grayson: "I thought Lima was the capital of Equador."
Bruce Wayne: "As you can see, I was right. It's the capital of Peru."
Aunt Harriet: "Oh, I just love this game of capitals. It's just so educational!"
Bruce: "Not only that, if we don't know all about our friends to the south, how can we can carry out our good neighbor policy?"
Bruce: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatos, I for one will think of the Incas."


Dick (working on a jigsaw puzzle): "It's so much harder with the pieces upside down."
Bruce: "Of course. Think of what excellent training it is for your visual memory."
Dick: "Gosh yes, I guess that's true."


(in Batmobile, on golf course)
Robin: "Let's get going and make an emergency bat-turn!"
Batman: "Not this time, old chum. Have to think of the golfers. The retro-rockets would burn up the course for a hundred yards."


Batman: "Human mechanisms are made by human hands, Robin. None of them is infallible. It is a lesson that must be faced."


Robin: "It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's 'terrific chow' is hardly within the budget of the average worker."
Robin: "Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."


Dick: "Gosh Bruce, Greek is still Greek to me."
Aunt Harriet: "It's Greek to a lot of Greeks too. It's one of the world's oldest, most important, most beautiful languages."


Dick: "It may be, Aunt Harriet, but can't we take a breather and work out in the gym for a while?"
Aunt Harriet: "But the mind needs excercise too, Dick."
Dick: "Well, my mind is getting muscle-bound."
Bruce: "Ahhh, there is an old saying, Dick. A sound mind and a sound body. A worthy goal."


Batman: "Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys."
Robin: "Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's."
Batman: "You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised."


Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat. And especially you. You're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."
Batman: "Remember the Boy Scouts' motto."
Robin: "'Be prepared'."
Batman: "It would do well to keep that in mind at all times."


Robin: "We better hurry, Batman."
Batman: "Not too fast, Robin. In good bat-climbing as in good driving one must never sacrifice safety for speed."
Robin: "Right again, Batman."


Batman: "Tarnished reputations are unfortunate, Robin. We can live with those. However, a threat to all of Gotham City is something else."
Robin: "Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!"
Batman: "All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that's why they're virtues."


Robin: "How about rushing the place, Batman?"
Batman: "Shh. I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."


Dick: "Bruce, let me ride Waynebow. I'm light enough."
Bruce: "No, Dick, I couldn't allow my own ward to ride my own thoroughbred. People might think it was funny."