Luckily, my busy law practice provided a steady stream of opportunities to
stealthily observe my bar brethren. At one time or another, we had cases scheduled in all 24 criminal court houses in the state. I was able to see what attorneys were wearing in all four corners of the Nutmeg State. Armed with a notepad and an unmatched attention to detail, I furiously began scribbling notes. I observed that criminal defense lawyers who sported ponytails always had interesting clients like terrorists, political activists and the occasional pirate. I looked further. I saw that a well regarded public defender wore sneakers instead of wingtips. A private criminal defense attorney wore a fedora when he came to court. Others wore bowties or seer sucker suits. One attorney I saw was a part time wrestler. It was hard to miss him. The guy was a tank. I glanced at myself in the mirror. "Look at you." I groused. "Same old, same old. Navy blue pin striped suit with either a white or blue shirt. How boring can you be?" I needed to spice things up. I would start off slow. I decided to wear a brown suit to court.
"Think Baron! " I thunk to myself. Who is a successful lawyer? I remembered Gloria Allred. She was on tv all the time. She was famous for her red suits. Maybe I could play off that? My last name was Baron. Maybe I could be the "Red Baron" I could come to court wearing one of those old timey leather aviator caps complete with goggles that barnstorming pilots used to wear. I could add a flowing scarf with my law firm logo. "Too much" I thought. Maybe I could go the Ron Kuby route and grow a ponytail?
I shared my plan with an older attorney I often turned to for advice. "Leave the ponytails to Steven Seagal and ponies" he replied gruffly while chomping on a cigar. "You don't need a gimmick. Just look like everyone else. " Maybe he was right. For now I would stick with my tired old pinstriped suit. I assimilated with the Borg. I went and bought some more blue and white dress shirts.
|Areas of practice include Ewok bites, lightsaber injuries, |
wrongful termination for not finding the droids you were looking for,
and workers comp related injuries on Death Stars.
Now, I am not suggesting you come to work dressed as your favorite Star Wars character. If you are a corporate lawyer, I am certain your multi-million dollar client doesn't want to be represented by an attorney wearing a cape. If you want to play for the Yankees, you might have to shave your sideburns to wear that particular pinstripe suit. But I'm in private practice. The rules are different. I can grow an old timey mustache. I can be a cowboy. Maybe I will give that brown suit a second try. And I need a hat. Definitely a hat.