Thursday, April 28, 2011

Saving Old Glory From Obama. A Lawyer's Encounter with a Birther

 It looks as though President Obama has finally released his birth certificate.  Hopefully, this will put an end to those nutty birther claims that seem to linger
in our national discussion.  It will allow our country to focus on what really matters. Donald Trump can go back to promoting Celebrity Apprentice.  I also feel bad for author Jerome Corsi.  His book "Where is the Birth Certificate?" comes out May 17.  I guess timing is everything.   His "work" is now as relevant as a book of past lotto numbers.  

I can't think of any other president that was subjected to such foolishness.  Our democratically elected president actually had to prove that he was an American.  Not even George Washington had to do that.  Rumor has it old George was not born in the United States.  He was born in a British colony.  I heard the same rumor about John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson.   

And what about that argument about natural born citizens.  Birthers claim that to be eligible for the presidency, both your parents had to be born here. 
That puts about seven of our US presidents in a pickle. Besides President Obama,  Thomas Jefferson's mother was born in England. Andrew Jackson had 2 immigrant parents. Both born in Ireland.  Presidents Buchanan and Arthur had Irish fathers  Presidents Woodrow Wilson and Herbert Hoover had mothers who were born in England and Canada.

So for the last time, here is my own encounter with a birther as I save America One Client at a Time.  Perhaps I can finally put this post to pasture:

My grandfather always told me never to bring up politics or religion. Unfortunately, I broke that rule today when a man came into my office wanting to sue someone. He said he couldn't pay me, but it was my duty to take on this case as a patriotic American. "I'm a patriotic American." I thought. " I could give this guy five minutes of my time." I invited the man to have a seat, pulled out a yellow legal pad and clicked open my pen. "So how can I help you and Old Glory?" I inquired. "We need to sue Barack Hussein Obama, the usurper". "Fear not, Macbeth; no man that's born of woman shall e'er have power upon thee." I exclaimed as I showed off my knowledge of Shakespeare.

"But that's my point. Obama ain't no natural born." he claimed. "Are you telling me MacDuff errr Obama was not born of a woman?" I asked incredously. "No, he was born in Kenya and is a Muslim. He's not a natural born citizen. He can't be president. Didn't they teach you about the constitution in your fancy New York law school?" I sat in stunned silence. No one ever called my law school fancy before.

Mr. Peanut laid out his argument. I was fortunate to be graced with the truth. As a reader of this blog, I now share that insight with you. The words he produced were like beautiful brush strokes on an old painter's canvas. Everytime he put extra inflection on the word "Hussein", I swore I heard an angel flap its wings. "Why won't he produce the birth certificate?" he demanded. Probably a CIA cover up to hide the truth."

Even before he uttered CIA, my first clue should have been the heavy plastic binders he brought overflowing with countless laminated pages. I had a little experience with conspiracy theorists. Before private practice, I spent several years working for a member of the Kennedy clan. As you can imagine, Kennedys are like crack to these people. Nevertheless, like an unfortunate teen camper in a slasher film, I decided to investigate further. What's that scraping noise? Don't worry, let me find out. I'll ask the guy in the hockey mask. As Mr. Peanut rambled on, I began accessing my options. The jump out of my window would not necessarily kill me, but my wife surely would for ruining my new suit. Faking a heart attack was out of the question. I used that trick last week. It also didn't help that the ambulances drivers knew I was in perfect shape. They often watched me run after them. I decided to trudge onward.

Now, I have always been of the opinion that the constitution guarantees you the right to be a jackass. If you want to believe that the world is flat, unicorns exist or that WWE wrestling is real, be my guest. In a weird way, I enjoy these occasional nuts that wander into my office. They make great cocktail conversation and give me fodder for my blog. They only seem to get dangerous when they find a little support in the mainstream. Not surprisingly, Mr. Peanut mentioned a small group of Congressmen, Lou Dobbs, G. Gordon Liddy, Alan Keyes Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Donald Trump, the Oriole's Luke Scott and the editor of the World Net Daily who claims he uncovered Wikipedia discrepancies in listing Obama's birth as proof. Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that allows anyone to alter the entries? Well, I'm sold.

My client also mentioned lawyers that supported the "birther cause." "Lots of lawyers agree with me" Mr. Peanut added confidently. I smiled. "Anyone I know?" I like when people hold lawyers in high esteem. I like that mothers want their kids to grow up to be members of the bar. I always smile when a shopkeeper brags that his clients include attorneys as if it is a source of prestige. As such, I scoffed at the notion that a member of the bar would jump on the Birther conspiracy bandwagon. The hours of law study, the strenous bar have to have some semblance of intelligence to become a lawyer. Then again, think of the lawyers you know. Not all of our bar bretheren are exactly Mensa candidates. After practicing for a few years, it's clear that you can be book smart and a yet a complete moron.  I do not mean to come off snooty. But whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, the argument regarding Obama's birth is settled. Even Ann Coulter says it's a dead issue.

Newspaper accounts announced his birth, the state of Hawaii produced a birth certificate with a raised seal, the director of Hawaiian public health confirmed the birth, the Republican governor of Hawaii confirmed his birth, his mother was a US citizen, he underwent a strenous vetting process, and I am fairly confident Hawaii is a state. I think it's the one where Magnum lives with Higgins. So what's the debate about? Frankly, I don't get it. Wouldn't there be some record of entry at customs that the Obamas brought a kid back into the country. We've been keeping these types of records since Ellis Island. Do birthers really believe that there was a conspiracy for 40 plus years over several continents in a plan to someday make Barack Obama president. A conspiracy that would have to include planted birth announcements in the 60s, the bribing of the Republican governor of Hawaii and the state's health director, the destruction of Kenyan birth records and committing the deaths of several witnesses including Obama's parents and the birth doctor. The obvious answer is that Obama's grandmother, knowing that her grandson would one day run for president, had a time machine and traveled back in time to place newspaper announcements in 1960s Hawaii even though he was born in Kenya. Why isn't anyone investigating Michael J Fox? He has access to a time machine. Look for newspaper accounts of lightning storms hitting clock towers in Honolulu, Hawaii in 1961.

Update- Now that the long form birth certificate has been provided, the issue is settled.  Next Up: If the world is round, why don't people keep rolling off?


Anonymous said...

The time lines, places, actions, motives, when analyzed, support, and are consistent with, what is the answer to the Obama birth puzzle:

Obama’s grandmother is his mother and his mother is his sister.

Think about it. Review all the facts and claims.

Anonymous said...

Your next blog can be about trying to find a deadbolt made in the USA! Good luck with that!

Mario Apuzzo, Esq. said...

The primary issue is whether Obama is an Article II "natural born Citizen," not whether he was born in the U.S. When drafting the eligibility requirements for the President, the Founding Fathers distinguished between "Citizen" and "natural born Citizen" in Article II, sec. 1, cl. 5 and in Articles I, III, and IV of the Constitution. Per the Founders, while Senators and Representatives can be just “citizens,” the President must be a "natural born "Citizen." The Founders wanted to assure that the Office of President and Commander in Chief of the Military, a non-collegial and unique and powerful civil and military position, was free of all foreign influence and that its holder have sole and absolute allegiance, loyalty, and attachment to the U.S. The “natural born Citizen” clause was the best way to accomplish that.

The distinction between "citizen" and "natural born Citizen" is based on the law of nations which became part of our national common law. Vattel in his, The Law of Nations, explains that a "citizen" is simply a member of the civil society. To become a "citizen" is only to enter into society as a member thereof. On the other hand, a "natural born Citizen" is a child born in the country of two citizen parents who have already entered into and become members of the society. Vattel also tells us that it is the “natural born Citizen” who will best preserve and perpetuate the society. This definition of the two distinct terms has been adopted by many United States Supreme Court decisions. Neither the 14th Amendment (which covers only "citizens" who are permitted to gain membership in and enter American society by either birth on U.S. soil or by naturalization and being subject to the jurisdiction of the United States), nor Congressional Acts, nor any case law has ever changed the original common law definition of a “natural born Citizen.” Congressional Acts and case law, like the 14th Amendment, have all dealt with the sole question of whether a particular person was going to be allowed to enter into and be a member of American society and thereby be declared a "citizen." Never having been changed, the original constitutional meaning of a "natural born Citizen" prevails today. It is this definition of "natural born Citizen" which gives the Constitutional Republic the best chance of having a President and Commander in Chief of the Military who has sole and absolute allegiance, loyalty, and attachment to the United States. By satisfying all conditions of this definition, all other avenues of acquiring other citizenships and allegiances (jus soli or by the soil and jus sanguinis or by descent) are cut off. I call this state of having all other means of acquiring other citizenships or allegiances cut off unity of citizenship which is what the President must have at the time of birth.

If Obama was born in Hawaii, at best, he is a U.S. "citizen" under the 14th Amendment and federal statute. But he is not a "natural born Citizen" under the Constitution. Obama was born with multiple allegiances (at birth both U.S., if born in the U.S., and British, and also acquired Kenyan citizenship at age 2). The Founders would not have allowed such a person who was not born with sole allegiance, loyalty, and attachment to the United States to be President and most importantly, Commander in Chief of the Military. We the People have too many "natural born Citizens" in our country from whom to pick to risk jeopardizing the best interests of the United States by allowing a person born with conflicting allegiances and loyalties to be President and Commander in Chief of our Military. There simply is no sound reason for risking America’s national security, welfare, and ultimate preservation by allowing a non-"natural born Citizen" to be President and Commander in Chief of the Military.

Mario Apuzzo, Esq.

Adrian M. Baron said...


I have to disagree with you. Besides Obama, we have had a legitimate president with a foreign born parent. You might as well take your argument to the extreme. Only native Americans should be president. For the record, there is no definition of a natural born citizen in the constitution.

As a side note, President Arthur was born in Vermont to a U.S. citizen mother and a father from Ireland. Presidential candidate George Romney (R) was born in Mexico to US Citizen parents. Presidential candidate Barry Goldwater was born in Arizona before it was a state.
Connecticut's Lowell Weicker was a candidate for president in the 80s. He was born in France to US citizens. McCain was born in Panama. What if he won the election? Would your efforts be the same. Now that the US has returned Panamanian territory, would your view McCain as the subject of a foreign nation.

But I applaud your efforts. You are getting great publicity for your law firm. I only wish, as a member of the bar, that you would put such diligent effort into something more useful. There are more serious issues facing this country. With all due respect, you're a lawyer. Act like it.


Adrian M. Baron said...

PS Thanks for reading

Mario Apuzzo, Esq. said...


You were going fine until you got to the end. I am surprised to see a lawyer add that little bit at the end. I should not have wasted my time posting on your site.

Mario Apuzzo, Esq.

SluggoJD said...

Mario, you're clearly a nutcase, who shouldn't waste his time posting on any site.

But heck, it's America!

Green Eagle said...

Boy, if that anonymous guy who made the first comment is right, Obama is his own father.

Talk about not naturally born! United States Marijuana Party said...

Here are digital photos
of actual laws
that President Obama
is probably not
a Natural Born Citizen!

Also, I have posted my 2010 Campaign Promise:

Ms. Cris Ericson

Robin White said...

[sigh] Obama MUST be a natural born American president. After all, he has not differentiated himself in the least from his arguably natural born (and arguably unnatural) predecessor, except perhaps in being marginally more willing to steal the birth right of the next several generations of Americans.

I enjoyed your take on it though, Adrian.

Anonymous said...

These birther people are best described by the last senator to join the ranks. In honor of him, I shall quote the honorable senator from Minnesota who wrote so eloquently "But why would people so woefully lacking in the basic facts of an issue think they were the best informed? Social scientists call the phenomenon "pseudo-certainty." I call it "being a fucking moron." From his book "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot & Other Observations." Let's call a spade a spade, pleeezzzzzzzz!

Anonymous said...

In response to PutzoI:
The only distinction that the founding fathers made between a "natural born citizen" and "citizen" is: a natural born citizen was born into citizenship via parentage and citizen per se, who may be a natural born citizen or someone who acquired citizen through a process.

That is the sensible interpretation of what natural born citizen is, just like the words imply.

The idea that the FFs would toss out a millenium of English Common law is arrant nonsense. Reading of the Declaration of Independence show that the Colonist's considered themselves Englishmen governed by English common (and, perhaps, uncommon) law. The pretext for "breaking the bonds" to England were that the Sovereign trangressed the centuries of English law by desecrating the sanctity of the homes of the Colonist's by forcing them to quarter soldiers.

The speculation that some of the FFs might have had copies of Vattel's treatise is immaterial, I once had a copy of the Book of Mormon, but that doesn't prove that I am a follower of Joseph Smith.

Anonymous said...

You are all afraid of the truth. Dr Orly Taitz is a true American hero.
How dare you belittle her.

misha trotsky said...

"You are all afraid of the truth. Dr Orly Taitz is a true American hero. How dare you belittle her."

Orly Taitz has dual US/Israel citizenship. She has a law "degree" from the Taft Law "School," an unaccredited correspondence outfit. She is a mediocre dentist with several dental malpractice suits pending, and an incompetent lawyer. The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is a rabble rouser, passing the collection plate at the end of a tent revival of her cultists.

She feels Obama is bad for Israel, so she believes if she makes enough noise she can drive Obama from office. BTW, I am Jewish and a Zionist like her. I just happen to believe in the dignity of Israel's Arab citizens, unlike her and her neocon and evangelical buddies who believe in ethnic cleansing.

And all of this "show us your documentation" bullshit is an update of a black man proving he is a free man, not a runaway slave, and is not subject to Jim Crow.

misha trotsky said...

"You are all afraid of the truth. Dr Orly Taitz is a true American hero. How dare you belittle her."

Part II: Orly Taitz, on her website, has advocated a military coup, armed insurrection, mob rule, and has encouraged armed forces mutiny.

That's a great lawyer, and an upstanding citizen. She gives ambulance chasers a good reputation. She should try her bullshit on Putin. She, along with Avigdor Lieberman and Sharansky go in for crackpot politics. What is it with refuseniks? Are they all collectively unbalanced?

She and her coterie should form a new party: The Angry Russian Party. Motto "We're meaner than Likud." Good news for all the left wing Yids out there: Lieberman is being investigated for corruption. Guess he forgot he's no longer in Russia.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Taitz is a doctor and a lawyer.
She knows what she is talking about. I am sick of these lies about the Doctor being a Soviet.
Hello, there is no Soviet Union.
Obama was born in Kenya. McCain being born in Panama is a lie pushed by the liberally biased media. You are all sheep. The lawyers who deny this are hypocrites and idiots.

misha trotsky said...

"Dr. Taitz is a doctor and a lawyer..."

I'm not going to engage in rebuttal of your drivel. If you argue with a fool, make sure you're not doing the same thing.

Obama will be re-elected in 2012, and Corey Booker will follow. Better get used to it.

Anonymous said...

You have to be intelligent to be a lawyer. Dr. Taitz is brilliant. She is taking on the establishment and taking no prisoners.

Adrian M. Baron said...

You obviously do not know many lawyers.

Brilliant!!? Really? If you say so, lol

misha trotsky said...

"Dr. Taitz is brilliant."

Every case filed by her has been dismissed, or judgment was in favor of the defendant. She has several dental malpractice suits pending.

She was negligent in not informing Major Cook that his suit could result in loss of his security clearance. A real lawyer would have warned him. She solicited him, BTW, on her website, along with other active military personnel. That borders on sedition.

If that is your definition of brilliant, I have a friend at the Nigerian Public Works Department, and he'll let you in on the deal for only 5,000 euros.

Anonymous said...

Obama is undoing everything Bush accomplished. The economy was great under him. If Obama was a real American like W, we wouldn't have these problems.

Show us the certificate Barrack HUSSEIN Obama! The writer of this blog is probably a communist.

Adrian M. Baron said...

For the record, I am not a communist. I am a Taurus.

Anonymous said...

I'd rather have a smart Kenyan as a president than a dumb American.

P.S. These people have way too much
free time.

misha trotsky said...

This is my authentic Kenyan birth certificate. Copy and paste these links:

and here:

misha trotsky said...

"The writer of this blog is probably a communist."

КГБ all the way, comrade - да!

Миша Троцкий

Anonymous said...

Great post. I freaking love this blog. Love it. Love it. Love it.

too bad you've got a small conscience said...

I LOVE this blog. !!

Adrian, you're brilliant.

I hadn't even heard of this nonesense before. It's interesting...sad, but interesting because it's almost funny how many ways the racist folks in America attempt to bring down those who they see as their enemies or whatever. Because that's what it boils down to, racism. But its creative, gotta give them that. It's like, what will they think of next? To this I say good try. hah.


Anonymous said...

The only thoughtfully laid out comment on this thread was from Mr. Apuzzo. That was the most logical reasoning I have ever read for the "natural born citizen" clause in the constitution. Oh,oh, liberals, be not afraid. Obama doesn't need to obey our constitution. And no, it is not a living document. It is quite dead. And Obama and his supporters get the twisted pleasure of driving in the last nail. Just another crazy dentist posting here. Good luck everyone. :))) Wouldn't wanna be ya. Oh, wouldn't wanna be me either.

Jim Stegman said...

That settles it! We're taking web access out of the looney bins!

Anonymous said...

I love how the prospective client throws in "he's a muslim" like that's some kind of nail in the proverbial coffin. So what? That, and the constant focus on "hussein" definitely point to racism. It's unfortunate that bigots have been able to turn exposing what seems a pretty obvious racially-discriminatory accusation into "playing the race card" but this one is pretty obvious. If he were a white guy born in hawaii named John Smith we wouldn't be having this dicussion. But given his name and the color of his skin he's held to a different standard.

I also love how these same people had no problem lambasting him for going to Bill Ayers' church but also accuse him of being a muslim. It's great comedy.

Jim Stegman said...

My favorite posting in the last few days had a pic of Obama with the caption:

"Sorry it took so lomg to get you that birth certificate, I was busy killing bin Laden."